ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
