Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
