my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
