You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
