I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
