I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
