Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
