I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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