dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
