I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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