Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
