Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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