Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize