I can't watch pbs sober anymore
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
