K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
