I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
