well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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