if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
