Please, let me fuck your mom
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
that is very illegal...i love you.
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