I must be too annoying 4 u.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
