1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
