Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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