but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
