I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
