Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
