I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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