How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
