hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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