Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
