You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Acid is not a monday night drug
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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