I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
