I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
