I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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