I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
