tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
