now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Randomize
