I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
