i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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