i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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