Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
