there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
