I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
