When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
