I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
