you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
