guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
