in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
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