I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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