Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
