I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Randomize
