then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Randomize
