You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
