I wish my penis had an off switch
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
