She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
