I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
