I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
