She is in my trunk
I didn't shave. On purpose
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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