You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
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