He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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