I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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