I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
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