I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
