her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
