By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
