Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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