thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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