Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
