I got her a Nickelback box set.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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