$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
