I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize
