I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
