You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Randomize
