whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Randomize
