Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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