I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
