remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize