i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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