and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
