i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I need a burrito and a hug.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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