So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
