I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
