I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
