she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
