remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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