I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
