just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
