At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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