I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize