Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
