we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
