I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize