lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
