just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I am full of burrito and curiosity
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize