Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
