ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
