I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
