so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
