I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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