She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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