She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
