I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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