i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
