i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
