shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Randomize
