Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
