I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
