dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
