Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
