i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
