Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
