Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
