Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
