I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
