so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
