Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
