I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
