omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I'm at about main and main street
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
