how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
