Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
