whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
