If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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