I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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