Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
