Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
