I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Randomize
