I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
